How To Blow a Bubble
by Mr. Kevin Miles

There are several methods at your disposal to blow a successful bubble. A bubble your parents would be proud of. A bubble women you find sexually attractive, will recognize as proof of your wily manhood and evidence of your date worthiness. If this sounds like the recognition you seek for the bubble you hope to blow, don't blow it. Use bubblegum. It's a much easier medium to work with than soap bubbles and tastes much better. If you don't have bubble gum on your person or in your mouth, now would be a good time to get some. We'll wait. Okay. Commence with the blowing. Carefully remove the bubble gum from its protective casing. Now, pop it into your mouth and chew it. (If there are any women in the vicinity, chew as suggestively as you can without being obvious about it. Sexy women hate arrogant gum chewers most of all.) Now, once you have chewed the gum to the point it has completely lost all of its flavor, you are ready to blow your first bubble. (This step should take 90 seconds, 2 minutes, tops.) Ok, guide the gum to the front of your pie hole. Now, dart your tongue into the gum, as if your tongue were pounding nails, or if you prefer, like a King Cobra, about to strike. Now, take a deep breath. Not so deep as if in the Lotus position during yoga, but sufficient enough to blow something up. Like a bubble for instance. Once you have the gum in place over your tongue, (it should resemble a tongue tube sock, if there were such a thing) slowly exhale into the gum, taking care not to launch it like an ICBM. Soon, you should have a beautiful bubble that will have your parents beaming with pride and your future trophy wife weak in the knees.